Playing by The Rules - Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right

What is The Rules? It's a best-selling book with rules to follow to get the man of your dreams. Written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, this book espouses that men can and need to be manipulated into marriage. There are points in this book that I agree and disagree with. I'm no book critic, psychiatrist or relationship expert. These are just my opinions about the book and the Rules.
(There are 35 rules so I will only be discussing a few of them)

Rule #1 - Be a Creature Unlike Any Other"
"You don't have to be rich, beautiful or exceptionally smart to feel this way about yourself.....Being a creature unlike any other is really an attitude, a sense of confidence and radiance..."
I agree. I think every woman should have confidence in herself. She should find what is unique about herself and make a point of building on that. The book says that even if you aren't really confident, you should act as if you are. I don't think you should walk around like you're 'all that' but confidence and self-assurance is much more attractive than insecurity and low self-esteem.

Rule #2 - Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
"By not accepting the concept that the man must pursue the woman,women put themselves in jeopardy of being rejected or ignored, if not at the moment, then at some point in the future."
I agree to a certain degree. I think most men do need to do the pursuing. If they work for something, it's more worthwhile and valuable to them when they get it. Sure men will say that they would love to have the woman make the first move. Truth be told though I think if it comes too easy for them, they will take it for granted.

Rule #5 - Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls
"To call men is to pursue them...They will immediately know that you like them and possibly lose interest....Not calling (him back) will leave him desiring you more, make him want to see you again and call you again." I agree that the man should call first but I think if he does call you should call him back. The book says not to worry about seeming rude because if he really wants to talk to you he will call you again. True, but I still feel that it's rude not to return a call regardless of whether you're interested in the person or not.

Rule #20 - Be Honest but Mysterious
"In general, don't give away any information that is not absolutely necessary. Less is more. Let him wonder what you are doing.You don't have to be an open book.....On the other hand, Rules girls don't lie either.Take our advice. Don't lie. It's a law of the universe." I don't think you need to reveal too much when you first start dating. As you get to know each other you can learn more and more about one another, but a little mystery can add excitement and intrigue to a relationship. I'm not saying you should be deceptive. I don't think you should ever lie or present yourself as something you are not. I just don't think you need to pour your heart out and expose everything about yourself early on. Remember, lying is never a good thing and will eventually come back to haunt you. You wouldn't want someone to deceive you, would you? However, deferment and a little evasiveness is not deception.

Basically The Rules are about playing hard to get and being elusive. Do they work? Well according to the book they do. It takes a lot of effort though and I don't think playing games is the best way to carry on a relationship. It's easy to generalize ( I do it all the time) but you need to look at the individuals that you're dealing with. I believe that The Rules will work on some men and not on others. I believe that The Rules will work for some women and not for others.  The Rules is definitely worth reading and it makes some very good points. Whether or not you want to implement them in your dating strategy is your choice.

Know The Code - Time-tested Secrets for Getting What You Want from Women

What is The Code?  Written by Nate Penn and Lawrence LaRose, this response to last year's best-seller The Rules is touted as every man's guide to "getting what you want from women without marrying them."  I hope that this book was written tongue-in-cheek because it really can't be taken seriously. I was hoping for something that was fairly entertaining at least, unfortunately this was not the case. Not just because it was chauvinistic and misogynistic but I found it to be pretty boring.

Here are a few of The Codes:

Code One: Be a beast. A woman wants a man who bursts through the swinging doors of her heart's saloon like Clint Eastwood.... Every girl wants a beast......Display a wide-ranging, if centimeter deep, familiarity (like ours) with good books, good food, world history, philosophy, music, economics, the fine arts. But don't sweat the exam: Once you're past this first chat on world culture, you'll never, ever have another intellectual discussion with your girlfriend again. (It's a known fact.)... It's time for her to pony up. Don't freak about the sex part, it's like what Erica Jong once wrote about dancing: Just move to the house jam, and the rest will take care of itself.
What is this, "You, Tarzan. Me, Jane stuff? I wasn't aware that it's a 'known fact' that one intellectual discussion will fulfill our 'mental stimulation' quota. How stupid do they think women are? And 'move to the house jam'?  If any man assumes that that is all it takes and 'the rest will take care of itself' I think that man will be moving to the hand jam for quite a while.  Spank your own monkey, Code boy.

Code Two: She's only after one thing, and it ain't between your legs. For the Code guy, the quest is the quest, of course, of course, no more and no less. If there's a grail at the end, fine; but it's the striving, the test of manly mettle, that counts. For women, the dating journey aims for the inn and the wedding band -- their Holy Grail. So while she may coyly front you with her sultry desire for a "casual" relationship, don't think for a minute that it is anything but a staged performance devised to make you suspend your disbelief.......keep this thought uppermost in your mind: All roads lead to Bed, Bath & Beyond!
Not every woman is trying to maneuver some man down the aisle. There are some of us who really do enjoy casual dating or having a relationship without the intent of getting married. Sure most of us dream of having a beautiful wedding, the house with the white picket fence,kids, etc. But not every guy is Mr. Right and so he shouldn't assume that just because we agreed to go out with him that we're trying to pin him down and manipulate him into marriage.

Code Four: Let's meet for drinks: The non-date date. Meeting for drinks is the sample slice of salami at the Balducci's meat counter, the representative strawberry from the open basket. It's the test drive of dates: Some will go from zero to 60 in 6.2 seconds, others will never make it out of the garage. How do you know what kind of buggy you're driving together unless you go for a spin? Unfortunately, on a first meeting, a woman trusts a man about as much as an Orthodox Jew trusts Saddam Hussein. You may gaze longingly at the borders of her small, fertile, vagina-shaped country, but she has committed herself resolutely to its staunch defense. She knows all about your SCUD missiles and your armies of the night, and unless you're willing to grow earlocks and invest in black haberdashery, she's not going to issue you a visa anytime soon. To her, you are a vile, unclean thing -- a pig, a clam, not a man. A Code goy.
The point of this code is to 'get a taste' of what she is like without putting yourself or your wallet out too much.  Also this makes it a little more casual than a formal date.  I have nothing against the 'non-date' date.  It's actually a pretty good idea because it will usually be fairly short and therefore if things don't work out neither of you has wasted too much time or effort. Meeting for drinks can be a safe, casual way to find out more about someone without committing too much of yourself.

Code Five: Don't talk -- let her project.  Silence, like the retriever, is golden. You're a Beast, remember? Keep quiet,let her anthropomorphize you, and you're halfway home.  Animals can turn a woman's heart into Camembert. They're all onto something: If you mutely gaze onto them just so, maidens will give it up, and give it up good.
With any smart woman, if you mutely gaze at her without any attempt at intelligent conversation she will assume you have recently been lobotomized or should be, and kick you to the nearest curb available.

I really didn't think much of The Code.  It was neither interesting nor entertaining and failed to provide any information that I felt would be useful to any man hoping to be successful at dating. Whether he is serious or just out for a good time, this book really is a waste of time in my opinion. I've read other books that have similar themes and they were at least amusing if not useful. Two of them of note would be: Nice Guys Don't Get Laid and The Machiavellian's Guide to Womanizing. I would recommend these for entertainment value at least.

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