Rant #4
Men and Women
Bait-n-Switch vs. WYSIWYG
What is the old Bait and Switch? It's when you
offer something that is enticing and attractive then switch it for something
of lesser quality. Basically, bait them with something good and then switch
it with something, well, not so good.
What is WYSIWYG? It stands for What You See Is What
You Get. Pretty simple right?
Well, when you apply this to men and women, it's not that simple. In the on-going
dance between men and women, we're often faced with the challenges brought
on by Bait-n-Switch (BS) and WYSIWYG.
In the real world when a man and woman first meet, obviously they are going
to put their best foot forward. No normal person shows up in grungy, old sweats
and acts like a raving lunatic. We try to look our best and act like the wonderful
people we are not. Then if the initial encounter goes well, we move on into
the first stages of a relationship. Here the BS continues. The woman makes
a concerted effort maintain her perfect appearance, hair, makeup, clothes.
The man is extremely attentive, calling regularly, making plans in advance,
etc. Then once you've got them hooked, the old switcheroo happens. The woman
may not try nearly as hard to look her best and of course the man gets to
experience "morning face". They become less the Independant Woman
they were when they first met the man. The man on the other hand becomes less
attentive and soon starts wanting more space, more "guy" time. He
doesn't put in as much effort as he did when he was doing "the chase".
Bait 'em, hook 'em, then switch. That's a pretty general rule of the relationship
jungle.
Now here's what I'd like to see...WYSIWYG men and women. Where what you see
in the first few hours of meeting someone is pretty much what you get. Basically
what I'm always ranting about, HONESTY. How about truth in advertising? I'm
not saying to always walk around unkempt or acting like a jerk. I'm just saying
be yourself as much as you can. Yes, of course show your best qualities and
make a good impression. But always remember, sooner or later, that person
is going to see the "real" you. Why not make it sooner and save
both of you time. I'd rather someone see me for who and what I am now, and
decide I am not what they are looking for then to have them think I'm the
bomb now and later on down the road, say "Hmm, you're not what I thought
you were." Sure it takes time to get to know someone really, really well.
That's obvious. But I believe you should be able to get a pretty good feel
for what a person is all about in a relatively short period of time.
I strive to be a WYSIWYG woman. Hey, look at my Live
Webcam. Decidedly unglamorous. Decidedly uninteresting. But hey, it's
me. What you see is what you get.
Rant #3
Women - Be yourself. I see so many women who bend over backwards and change their behaviour, attitude, even looks for a man. There's nothing wrong with change if you are doing it for yourself, but changing to please someone else takes away from the person that you are. We should always strive to improve ourselves; I think it's important for a person to evolve and grow. But changing yourself to attract or keep someone whether it is a guy or friends is not being true to yourself. It takes a lot of maturity to be comfortable with the person that you are, with your looks, personality, beliefs, attitudes. I'm not saying I'm mature, in fact, many would beg to differ. However, I'm very happy with the person that I am. I would not change for any man. I will and have changed to better myself, for me. Have confidence in the person that you are. Strive to change the things about you that you don't like. Admire the qualities in you that set you apart from all the rest. Cookie-cutter women are boring. What makes you different? Build on that.
Men - Be honest. Men seem to have an avoidance mechanism when it comes to confrontations with females. Can't always blame them. But you can't run away. You need to stand up and be honest with *gulp* your feelings and your emotions. I have a lot of male friends who don't seem to have problems talking to me about their relationships but when it comes to actually dealing with their Significant Others, they balk and aren't able to open up. Communication is key in any relationship. If there's something that needs to be addressed, putting it off or avoiding it is not going to make it go away. I've even had some friends tell me that rather than breaking up with their girlfriends, they worked at pissing them off enough so that the women would break it off. If you have problems with your relationships, realize that you're going to have to deal with it sooner or later, and when you do be honest and sincere. Deal with it. Be a man.
Rant #2
Women - Have a heart. If you're not really interested in a guy then don't lead him on. Don't waste his time and money just to feed your own ego. It's not fair and it's selfish. Put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if you liked someone and he kept leading you on? In general, it's the man who pursues the woman, so we have the control. At least initially. So if a guy is pursuing you (and you usually know when someone is) if you're not interested, let him know. One thing I can't stand is women who are always claiming, "Oh, but I didn't know he liked me" and use this as an excuse to milk the attention from men. Sure there are times when a guy may not be absolutely clear in his intentions, but usually a smart woman will know when a guy is interested in more than a friendship. Be considerate of other people's feelings. You don't have to be totally heartless. No need to kick him to the curb with a steel-toe, just be honest and clear about your feelings.
Men - Have a brain. I know that sounds harsh but sometimes when a comes to a beautiful woman, some men just totally lose their heads and start thinking with another part of their anatomy. Often when someone is attractive we can overlook other not-so-attractive charateristics. I think men (more so than women) will date someone who's good-looking even if they are lacking in personality. A woman can be downright bitchy but if she looks good she can still get men. Sure looks are important to a certain degree. You're not going to go out with someone that you're not physically attracted to. However just because someone is fine that is not enough and you need to look beyond that. There's more to the package than the wrapping, not matter how big the bows are.
Relationships - Don't settle. It seems to me that as people get older and they feel their time-clocks ticking away, they get involved with people who are not their ideal. They might even get married to someone who they would never have considered when they were younger. Of course as we get older we mature and look for different qualities in people. But what I'm talking about is being with someone who is not what you really want. And because you're getting older and you're not meeting their Mr./Ms. Right you settle for Mr./Ms. Close-Enough. I don't think that you have to wait until you've found the person that is absolutely perfect. Nobody is perfect but you should be with someone because you feel they are the right person for you, not because the time-clock is ticking and the prospects are getting slimmer. Another point is that you need to be realistic. If you're Mr. Average Joe you shouldn't expect to be dating Cindy Crawford. I don't think anyone should lower their standards but they should be realistic. Be realistic, be hopeful. It'll happen.
Rant #1
Women - Have a life. Whether you're in a relationship or not you should always have interesting and fulfulling activities. Whether it is work, hobbies, sports or friends, every woman should have something in her life that she can call her own. Some women build their lives around their men. I know, I've done this before myself. It's not healthy and it's not attractive. Men don't like clingy, dependent women. I've heard a lot of men say "She's too there" meaning, she's always available and doesn't have a life outside of him. It's not bad to be available for the one you love but you need to be a well-rounded person also. You should have other things and other people in your life. Hey, let's face it, men come and go (even husbands), but the things you've built, friendships, accomplishments, those are yours. Build your relationships with others. Find hobbies that you really enjoy, pick up new sport. Don't do this for any guy, do this for yourself. I'm not trying to bag on women. I'm one of you, remember. I just think that's it's important for all women to be strong and independent. You don't need to care about what men think or what I think for that matter. Look at where you're at and the person you are. If you're happy with yourself, more power to you.
Men - Have a clue. Women are different. I don't care what the feminists say. (Despite my ranting and raving I am not a feminist) We have different needs from men. Sure I'm generalizing, but that's just my way. Don't treat us like we're showpieces or playthings. We're intelligent beings with feelings and emotions. Sure there are bimbos out there (of both sexes) but we don't want to go out with them, do we? If you answered yes to that, get off my web page, NOW. If you want a good woman, act like a real MAN. Be honest and sincere. Smart women will see through you if you're not. Don't tell us what you think we want to hear. Again, be honest. It goes the other way also. There are plenty of women who will play on a guy's feelings, leading him on when she has no interest in him. Get a clue. She's not worth it, move on. Unfortunately, oftentimes it's too late and you've fallen, hard. You have to learn to cut your losses and like I said, move on.
Relationships - In an ideal world, boy meets girl, they date, fall in love and share their lives together forever. They communicate with each other, only have eyes for one another, blah blah blah. Unfortunately, this is the real world. People get together, people break up. S*** happens. What happens afterwards is what confuses me. I don't understand how someone can be in love with someone and end up hating them later. Why would you want to be with someone that you could ever hate? Maybe it's just me, but I will always care for the men I've been involved with. I could never hate them. I hope that they would never hate me. They say there's a thin line between love and hate. I think if love turns to hate then there's something twisted there.
I've gotten some feedback about this page implying that I am bitter or
I hate men. I wanted to clear up a few things:
1.) I am not bitter. I'm actually a very happy, well-adjusted, normal person
(aside from the slight twitching problem J/K)
2.) I do not hate men. In fact I love men. Maybe that's my problem. *grin*
3.) I have not been in 'bad' relationships. All the men I've been involved
with (not many) have treated me very well. I wouldn't settle for anything
less.
4.) I am not obsessed with relationships. I think it's an interesting
topic and it leads to good discussions.
The reason I write these Rants is just so I can pass on my observations
and opinions. These are my objective views on men, women and relationships.
