The Journal - June 20 - June 26, 1999

Hey, did you guys know that Josh is back?! Yup, the Condo is up and running and back it it's usual Josh form. I'm diggin it, Josh baby.

I wanted to comment on his first journal entry on Tuesday when I first read it but forgot. So here's a snippet from Josh's journal, Jan 11, 2000:

"first of all. yes, guys want sex. i ain't gonna lie about this. but she (his co-worker) was implying that chicks weren't the same way. let me clarify something once and for all. chicks want sex just as much as guys do. its just that they know they can go out and get sex without much problem, if that's all they're looking for. on the other hand, guys usually can't just go out and get sex on any given night. chicks can. so they concentrate on other things."

I ain't gonna lie to you Josh... you're right. And that's just the way it is.

But don't move away! We want you here! Ok, but if you feel you really need to move, make sure you have a connection to the Net. And try to get DSL cuz it's the only way to go. Unless of course you have a T1. Then in that case you'd be a total stud and I'd have to claim you for my own.

I knew this one guy... arrogant, sexy, charismatic and charming as hell. He was also the biggest womanizer I'd ever met. But man was he hot. And every time I saw him, I found him totally irresistable. Then one time shortly after he broke up with his girlfriend (and it was very rare for him to actually have a commitment) we had dinner and he had totally lost that edge. Even though he had been the one to end the relationship, he was sad, lonely and depressed. All the bravado, arrogance and confidence was gone. And along with it, the sex appeal. For the first time, I wasn't attracted to him at all. But then I saw him about a month later and he was back to his usual form. And all the appeal was back. He hadn't changed his appearance. But he exuded this aura of confidence that was extremely sexy.

Of course, guys like that get tons of women. But you have to wonder about the quality of the relationships. It's not the quantity it's quality.

My main point however, is that a lot of a person's appeal is in their attitude and the way they carry themselves. What I find strange is that when I'm in a relationship, guys seem to hit on me/ask me out more than when I'm single. Why is that? When I'm not seeing anyone I don't get no play at all. I might as well be an empty, discarded box of Cracker Jack, sans the prize. But when I'm seeing someone, suddenly I'm all that and a bag of Doritos. What's up with that? I figure I must act and carry myself differently and whatever way that is, it's appealing. But I guess it really doesn't matter as long as I'm appealing to the person that I'm seeing. That's what really counts.

Ev sent me this really cool PowerPoint presentation yesterday with a slideshow of pictures from New Year's Eve 2000 around the world.

If you have MS PowerPoint installed and are using IE, you should be able to click on this link and launch the slideshow, but if you have Netscape, right click on the link and save the link as a file before viewing. You MUST have PowerPoint in order to view the slideshow.

Otherwise, click on this link and you can view smaller pictures via an HTML pop-up window.

1-11-2000 Tuesday

So... it's been a long time since I've talked about "HIM". I actually saw him not too long ago. We emailed, he called, we hung out. And for the first time in what, over 10 years... I didn't feel that way about him anymore. Hard to believe. It's just not there anymore. Sort of makes me sad in a way. I always thought it would be sad if I stopped loving him. When the passion died... And it *was* sad. Sad to know that I'd never feel that way again. Yes it was the most painful experience in my life. The most tumultuous relationship I'd ever had. But still at least I knew that I could love someone. Now I wonder if I can feel anything. I keep thinking, if I can't feel anything for him, will I feel anything for anyone?

He's seeing someone else now and has been for a while. And that doesn't even bother me. I never thought I'd be able to bear the thought of him with someone else, but now it doesn't hurt at all. He even asked, "You're still mad at me, aren't you?" and I said no. He said, "Yes you are..." I said, "No I'm not." And inside I thought, "I don't care enough to be mad." But I didn't say that. He can think whatever he wants to think.

They say that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. It's true really. If you hate someone, at least you feel something for them. There's enough there to generate some sort of emotion. But when you feel nothing, nothing at all, then that is truly the end. It's over. Elvis has left the building.

1-10-2000 Monday

My company is looking for Beta testers for our software. If you are seriously interested in becoming a Beta tester, please go to our website and register online. This is only for people who are serious about becoming testers. There is NO pay for this. And this is only for people that live within the continental US. Sorry, people outside the United States are not eligible to be Beta testers.

As part of the Beta program, you would receive a CD with our software,
instructions on how to set up the software and details of the testing.

Each Beta tester will be asked to sign an NDA (non-disclosure agreement)
agreeing not to share this confidential information. You will also be
asked to log any problems, questions or complications you may have with
the software.

What we are asking from our testers is to spend some time installing the
software, testing it's features and testing features on our Website.

If you are interested in becoming part of the Beta Program, please go to:

http://www.wagsky.com/cgi/register.cgi

Fill out the registration information, agree to the terms of the
Non-Disclosure Agreement and submit your information.

Again, only register if you are serious about testing the product. If you don't understand what Beta testing means or what the registration is about, please don't bother signing up.

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Ok, it's now 10 days into Y2K and so far nothing crazy or chaotic has happened. Looks like the world as we know it will continue on. Or at least until Bill Gates decides to shut us all down. Did I mention that he was evil?

I had a great weekend. Got to relax and spend time with friends. I also bought a birthday present for myself... Quake III Arena!! Woohoo! I blame Lance now for my new addiction.

You can download the demo from the Website, but be warned, it's almost 50 MB!!

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Today's screen shot. Do I look somewhat put their phaser on "stun" and shot me?

And why do I look so perturbed?

So here's a question...
If you run into someone where they work and they give you their business card and say next time you're going to be there to give them a call... and then they write down their home number... is that being a little more than "business friendly"? And here's an even better question... why am I still wondering about it?

And no, I'm not gonna call him.